A TALE OF 2 Ms: BETTER OFF AS THE MAJORITY OR THE MINORITY?
leaving the comfort of an asian american environment
TIMOTHY TO
chinese american
From the transition of growing up in a predominantly Asian environment, to attending college and living outside of his bubble, Timothy To, for the first time, saw himself differently. He was a minority as an Asian American, rather than part of the Asian American majority in San Francisco’s Outer Mission and Excelsior districts. Most of his cross-cultural exchanges and conversations with those he met across the U.S. began with food, a common topic referenced when people would connect “Chinese” and “Asian” together. Working through these experiences, Tim has grown to understand the impact of his culture and the challenges he has faced as a first-generation Asian American.
Q: What do you feel is the biggest misconception about your cultural identity?
A: A big misconception about my identity is that a lot of people I meet across the U.S. think I am an immigrant. Some people think that just because you're Asian, you are not necessarily born in the U.S. And even if you are born in the U.S., they still see you as an immigrant Asian, not as an Asian American.
But I don’t think they’re trying to be rude; it just comes from a place of ignorance. The knowledge they have and what they know about the Asian American community, in general, is limited. Especially if you are from and live in rural areas of the country, the small percentage of Chinese restaurants you may see there, even Panda Express, are probably owned and managed by immigrants. I don’t blame people for having assumptions, but I think engaging in these types of conversations and letting them know, “hey, I am Asian, but I’m Asian American. I was born and raised here,” is important too.
Q: Tell us about the area of San Francisco you grew up in its surrounding community.
A: I grew up and was raised in the Outer Mission and Excelsior districts all my life amongst the Chinese and Chinese American community. Growing up, my elementary school was just about five minutes away from my house, so I was always walking to-and-from school with my grandpa. I would consider myself pretty sheltered growing up as a kid. It wasn’t until I attended college where I found out how different San Francisco was compared to the rest of the United States, but at the same time, how similar we were to others of different cultures.
Q: Because you grew up in a predominantly Chinese community, what kind of values were instilled in you while growing up?
A: Because my parents were separated, my grandparents were the ones who raised me. They instilled very traditional Chinese values in me, from mannerisms and table etiquette, to learning that it is very improper to bad-mouth or make a scene.
Q. In what ways did you have to navigate both Chinese and Western cultures as you were growing up?
A: One example would be that I had to speak Cantonese at home, and then English at school. I didn’t realize the impact of being raised with two cultures because those were things that I just adapted to. Looking back, I can see how confusing it was for me.
When I communicated at home, or when we were watching TV, it was all in Chinese. Then, to go to school where you're learning the alphabet or American history, you hope that your grandparents could help you. But mine couldn’t, simply because they didn’t know the American education system. I had to become independent and learn on my own because I didn't have the support system to understand Western education fully. So that was always a challenge.
Q: Did you feel like you needed to adapt to Western culture?
A: Yes and no. Having internal battles about when to be an American and when to be Chinese, or when to speak Cantonese and when to speak English, was difficult. When you’re a kid, you learn to navigate different scenarios, but you don’t understand the concept of adaptation or Eastern versus Western culture. It’s only now that I reflect on my upbringing that I really understood what first-generation Asian American kids go through. Because I went to school in the United States, and not in China, how much of an Asian was I if I’m an American-born Chinese? Those are the questions that I struggled with as a kid and into my teenage years.
Q: How did that impact your relationships around you as a kid?
A: I wasn’t made fun of as a kid, especially since I grew up in a community where there were a lot of Latinos and Asians, but there were definitely some weird situations. Even bringing lunch to school was different. I usually had steamed rice and a main dish inside of a heated thermos, compared to others who would have a sandwich and chips. And that's very different.
Now, looking back, I can see why it was so confusing for me having to navigate those cultural differences. For example, I had to discover why school cafeterias served more American food, while I had more Chinese food at home. It’s difficult having to learn and understand two vastly different cultures at such a young age.
“I had to discover why school cafeterias served more American food, while I had more Chinese food at home. It’s difficult having to learn and understand two vastly different cultures at such a young age.”
Q: How did you feel when you went out of state? What made that experience different from the people and environment you grew up with in San Francisco?
A: I attended the University of Nevada, Las Vegas (UNLV), where the school demographics were predominantly Korean international students and Reno and Las Vegas locals. Living in San Francisco, you realize that the majority of the population is Asian American, but when going to school in Las Vegas, it was the complete opposite. For the first time, I understood what it felt like to be a minority.
Living in San Francisco made me take for granted the different backgrounds of people, from varying ethnic communities to the types of cuisine. It was all very different, so transitioning to Vegas was my culture shock moment. All of a sudden, I’m facing the real world where I am the minority.
“Living in San Francisco made me take for granted the different backgrounds of people, from varying ethnic communities to the types of cuisine. It was all really different, so transitioning to Vegas was my culture shock moment. All of a sudden, I’m facing the real world where I am the minority.”
Q: Did you feel like there were opportunities for you to educate other people you came across on your background? On the flip side, were there opportunities for you to learn more about other cultures and other groups of people?
A: Thankfully, most people I’ve met have been exposed to Chinese cuisine. Everywhere you go in the United States, you're going to find a Chinese restaurant, regardless of how well-liked or good it is. Even if it’s just Panda Express, you can always find a Chinese restaurant across the U.S. compared to other types of cuisine.
I think the biggest opportunity wasn’t when I was living in Vegas, but when I did my internship in Orlando, FL, where I was living with people from the South and the Midwest. It was really interesting because it allowed me to introduce specific types of cuisines and cooking styles to them – from something as small as the variety of soy sauces to learning how to properly cook rice. I didn’t think it was a big deal because growing up, my grandparents would cook this every day. It was little things that made a difference, like introducing my family recipes, that I could share with the people that I lived with, which then created a mutual understanding and opportunity to learn from one another.
Q: After college and your internships, how did it feel to come back to San Francisco and the Bay Area?
A: I definitely missed my grandparents’ home cooking. That was a big thing in my life. Growing up, I always had a fresh pot of steamed rice every night, and I woke up to a full meal for breakfast made by them. It wasn’t until I came back when I noticed and appreciated the little things in my childhood and the work that went behind it, like knowing that my grandparents would wake up earlier in the morning to get these meals going. Once I had this understanding and respect, I began asking my grandparents questions like, “can you teach me this recipe?” or “what do you put in this dish?”.
Coming back to San Francisco and the Bay Area made me realize how big the world is and how lucky I am to be in a melting pot. A lot of my friends are still local to San Francisco, so that’s all they know. As San Franciscans, there are so many resources accessible to us, including having fresh produce from farmers’ markets, which we don’t take time to appreciate. There are a lot of places where the means of going to the market to get fresh food is the town’s Walmart.
Q: That does sound difficult. Looking back, are you proud of where you’ve come from, or have you had to rediscover yourself as an adult?
A: I’m proud of where I come from, but it took uncovering the impact of growing up with two cultures to get to where I am now, and to be able to share my experiences with others.
Q: Considering all of those life experiences, how has that informed your outlook today? Do you think your life has become a blend of Chinese and Western culture?
A: I am a very proud Chinese, Asian American. Certain moments bring me back to my elementary school days where I questioned, “should I have embraced my Chinese culture and background more, or should I have been more Westernized?”. But at the end of the day, all these experiences and values have shaped me into who I am now. The values my grandparents taught me of putting family first and caring for one another remain today, which aren’t necessarily exclusive to either Western or Eastern culture. And I’m very thankful for that.
